Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ominous Dreams

In the first dream I was working on the van in a boatyard by the sea.
The sky began to turn that sinister shade of blackish green that means trouble.
I looked across the water and saw a massive rotating wall cloud (the nasty kind in a thunderstorm that spawns tornadoes). I started picking up tools and materials, and securing everything.
Then as I watched, an enormous tornadic water spout descended from the cloud. It was the biggest water spout I had ever seen. And it was coming my way.

I ran around frantically getting the cats in the van and the rest of my supplies. I was ready to leave, but when I looked up the tornado was nearly upon me.
I laid on the floor of the van, protecting the cats with my body.
The van started shaking violently. I put my head down and prayed.

I was lucky. The tornado passed right next to to the van, ripping a 45 foot sailboat out of its cradle in dry dock, and wreaking havoc among the other boats in the yard.

Once it passed, I went to the main building, which had sustained a direct hit. Some people had survived, crouching under stairwells.
"Why didn't you warn us?" they cried. "You saw it coming but you didn't warn us!"
"I was busy taking care of myself." I said. I felt a little annoyed.

I wondered why it was my responsibility to warn them. They had eyes just as I did; they were adults who could take care of themselves. I was busy protecting innocent cats who didn't really understand what was going on, and couldn't protect themselves.


In the next dream I found myself on an island in the tropics. I decided to go diving for lobsters. I swam around, diving down to look under the cracks and crevices where the spiny lobster likes to hide. There were no lobsters. I couldn't believe that in an area with so many good crevices I wasn't finding lobsters, so I continued to work my way along the shoreline.

I found about two lobster carcasses, but no live lobsters. Ill tempered crabs were the only life I saw. They were too skinny to eat, and would scuttle up and try to pinch me if I got too close. There were LOTS of them, all over the place.
I started to feel creeped out. Where were the lobsters? What happened to them? Something was really wrong.

I kept working my way around the island, and came to an area where the sea floor looked man made. It descended in an even grade of about 30 degrees, and appeared to be evenly spaced cobblestones set into concrete. There were no crabs here; no life whatsoever.
Curious, I clicked on my headlamp and followed the ocean floor downward. Soon I saw the grate of a large drain. As soon as I saw it, I tried to swim back up to the surface, but I was being pulled toward the drain!
I began to panic, and tried to swim faster, but I wasn't making any headway.
Then I woke up.

I like to analyze my dreams. Some dreams are obviously just my mind playing, or hashing out recent events. Some dreams seem significant, and I remember them in lots of detail. These two dreams were the latter kind. I have a dream dictionary that I use as a guide, but various symbols mean different things to different people.
What I am feeling in the dream is just as important as the symbols or content of the dream.
First dream;
Vehicle (van) - represents freedom, ability to make decisions.
Dry dock - necessary changes being made, delays.
Not being able to pack in time - anxiety about details, not being ready for change.
Tornado - emotions or urges we feel powerless against, which may become obsessive.
Cat - substitute for baby, one that needs protection.

Analysis; There is a storm coming. Something beyond my control. I am anxious about not being ready for coming changes.
The people asking me why I didn't warn them when I saw it coming was very clear in this dream. I felt angry that they were laying guilt on me, when they were as able as I to take care of themselves.

Second dream;
Ocean - represents The All, the subconscious, the womb, forces from whence we came.
Diving underwater - delving into mind or unconscious, exploring the meaning of a dream. I dream about swimming underwater a lot. I'm not sure if it's because I've done it a lot and really enjoy it, or because I analyze the crap out of myself.
Lobster - not in the dream dictionary, but to me lobsters represent food, sustenance. No lobsters = no food.
Pinched by crab - physical or psychosomatic pain, even illness caused by being too tight or self protective. Grasping or hurtful attitudes.
Drain - is not in the dictionary. I think this represents deep, primal fears. I was always afraid of the big drain in the deep end of the pool; being sucked into it and unable to escape.

Analysis; This is a fear dream. Afraid of things I can't control. Crashing ecosystem, (where are the lobsters?) no food. Being sucked into something I cannot control. I think this dream is warning me not to be sucked under by fear.

Both dreams warn me to watch my attitude; not to become obsessive, or controlled by fear. Maybe I should lighten up a little. I know I am repressing the crap out of my fear and grief. When I pray or meditate, or let my emotional shields down, I start to cry. But crying doesn't get me anywhere. I can grieve when I'm safer. I don't have time for that right now.
I'm off to obsess over my van.....


  1. Go take and post more pictures of your van. It will help me and should get your mind off of worrying. :-)

  2. Better dreams to you, my friend!

  3. Thanks Hermit Jim,
    I will, NomadRip. Anything in particular you're interested in seeing?

  4. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and you seem to have a deadline that you must to be on the road by. Maybe you should let some of the freedom you will have on the road into your life now. Take the extra time to mount the solar panels on the van before you leave and finish any little projects that you want to do. It is usually easier and cheaper to do things when you're home since you know where stores and stuff is located.
    Also, I've been doing a bit of reading about solar energy and most people recommend that you only discharge your batteries to 50% so they last longer. Don't know if marine batteries are different but you might want to check. OBTW, your battery box looks great.

  5. Just interested how everything is being laid out from your plan, and how well it's working as it turns into actual structures.

  6. TJ - Part of the problem is I am unemployed and running out of cash. I have some stuff I can sell, but the longer I stay here, the less money I have for travelling.
    I'm also still living with the ex boyfriend, which is civil enough, but awkward.
    You are correct about the depth of discharge. I didn't mention it because I was trying to help people understand amp-hours, and it seemed confusing. Good point, thanks for bringing it up.
    Nomad, I'll take more pictures of the structure. The plan is constantly evolving, as all plans seem to do, but it's working out well so far. I've wasted a little wood, but not much.