Friday, April 17, 2009

The ex BF's friends came into town last night.
I guess now they're my friends too, since they are Good People.
Last night the conversation turned to the state of the world today.
I had quite a few beers, and and my mouth decided to run away and scare the sheeple.
I'm afraid I went into a bit of a rant.

I ranted about the oceans acidifying, about 260DB sonic tests for oil exploraton in the ocean (it only takes 140DB to kill a human, and sound travels much better underwater)
I ranted about government oppression, and how the whole system needed to be replaced.

"This isn't right. We're not meant to live like this. We are so separate. For thousands of years we lived in communal family groups.
We respected the land.
It is only in the last 100 years or so that we have become so isolated.
We might have all this fun, easy stuff, but there is something missing.
Something fundamentally HUMAN.
We are so disconnected. From each other, from our environment, from our reality.
I think there is a better way. And I'm gonna go find it."

Fortunately, the West Coasters are not sheeple, and actually took my rant somewhat seriously.
The friend I consider my Sister could see that I was talking about building a new paradigm. She was interested and excited.

But on the way home I got bitched out by the ex.

"They're here to have a good time! We don't need to talk about all that gloom and doom sht. Let them have a fun vacation."
"You're right. I'm sorry. I know that stuff bothers you. I will make an effort not to talk about it in your presence."

He's sheeple.
What a turnoff.
He is so blind. So deep in denial. But I can't change that.
I can only leave, and live the future I seek.
What is really frustrating is that he's not stupid. He sees what is going on, and knows how wrong it is. He just chooses to ignore it.
He told me once that if things ever got got THAT bad when TSHTF, he would just put one of those guns in his mouth and call it a day.

When the he said that, it was the end of the relationship.

A few years back my dad took his own life. I've made peace with it now, but it changed me.
I can't let anyone matter so much it would kill me to lose them.

I can understand allowing someone to follow their own path, but I WILL NOT STAND BY AND WATCH YOU KILL YOURSELF.

I will be gone. Following my own path.
I intend to survive.


  1. You're doing the right thing, Lady. Haul a** and leave his butt in the dust. He's only thinking of himself. His reaction if he cared about you would be more supportive, even in your leaving. He's BSing everyone including himself about taking the cowards way out. But not to worry, someone will off him if just to eat him when it all comes apart.
    California is NOT the place to go, but if you make it to the Great Basin area of Eastern Oregon/Washington along the Columbia/Snake Rivers, there are a lot of people there I think you'll like and would like you.
    Just sayin'

  2. Good luck on your travels. Giving up is easy...Fighting takes a lot more effort.
    YeOldFurt said it all.

  3. Thanks guys.
    Yeah, I won't stay in Cally. Just visiting.
    Eastern Washington is looking pretty appealing.
    Funny you should mention someone eating him, cannibalism seems to keep coming up in conversation lately.....

  4. Stick to your guns. Don't censor yourself.
    If you censor yourself, you WON'T meet someone (as in romance) who can accept you as you are.

    If there's one thing I've learned, self-censorship may make it easy to "get along", but life is a drag.
    Be yourself.'

  5. Thanks Publius,
    I won't censor myself, but it's pointless to talk about things when the ex is around. It isn't productive, just upsets him.
    On the upside, the rest of the people involved in the conversation told me later that they didn't think it was gloom and doom, but that it was a realistic discussion, and a positive one because I was talking about SOLUTIONS to these problems.
    I felt validated by that.

    I had more conversations with our guests when the ex wasn't around. They were lively and productive conversations, and I felt like they helped my guests be hopeful, not fearful.

    I'm not sure I'm someone who CAN censor myself.